Starting a new thread of insane shit I over hear my husband say to our toddler.
“Here, will this rice cake cracker sate your dark passanger?”
2. “Come now my child.”
*bluey the album starts playing*
3. “Oh I am so sorry. You’ve been mildly inconvenienced. How dare I truly”
4. “It is she! Her Majesty, Queen of the Sludge, Keeper of Goo, DJ Baby P (In the House) Dropper of Beats and Clapper of Hands”
5. He is in charge of bathtime and he lifted the ghoul tonight while singing “come with me and you’ll be in a world of baby sanitation” and I laughed so hard I snorted pasta
6. Okay this is more one that he said to me about the toddler but he was home with her while I was at work and I just got this text
7.
“Happy Independence Day Sweetie! Nationalism is a cancer!”
8. This is another one he said to me about her but still it made me laugh so hard I nearly choked
9.
*Penny babbling in the back seat, many la la las coming from her car seat*
“Are you singing us a song? Ah yes the dulcet tones of goblin”
10.
“Listen kid, I can’t let you have the cup anymore because you keep chugging the bath water, so we just have to remove the cup from the equation.”
11.
*penny is screaming, trying to climb back up a big slide at the playground*
“Someday you’ll learn about ,I don’t know physics and the myth of Sisyphus ,and you’ll start making a lot of connections I think. “
12. *Pen is still screaming and baby cussing about not being able to climb back up the slide*
“The problem is that you set goals for yourself that are unattainable by both man and baby.”
13.
“You can keep the cookie container, I don’t care. What kind of father would I be if I tried to separate a small raccoon child from her trash!?”
14.
*Penny is crying because the bucket she insisted on sitting in fell off the couch with her in it. Husband is bouncing her and rubbing her back after assessing that no physical damage occurred, just a bruised toddler ego*
“Oh my poor sweet angel. She fucked around and found out.”
15.
16. “The only three things this child cares about is Elmo, Cooking Videos, and Keith Tryguy”.
17.
“Hey. No! Cup privileges hereby rescinded, bath chugger”
joking that an adult character who acts childish doesnt know what sex is will never be as funny as saying the same thing about a big tough murderman videogame protag
“papyrus doesnt know what sex is” is nothing “solid snake doesnt know what sex is” is an instant killer
nothing but respect for my ace king
Technically speaking according to Doom lore, Doomguy is qualified to become the Pope.
“The God of Infinite Time from Persian mythos. A powerful god who
holds dominion over Eternity, Infinity, and Perpetuity, he is the holder
of the Divine Sword of Salvation, which would be given and used by the
King Who Manifests at the World’s End.” Ancient Persian Tomes
Zurvan by Talon Abraxas
